Dear Wind,

Lately I’ve been okay. I’ve been figuring out what I want out of life and the world is becoming bright and shiny again. I feel like I am ready sometimes, and other times I’m just afraid that this new life is going to turn boring too fast for me to enjoy it. I’m surrounded by people I care for and I’ve only known them for a few days. I feel like I’ve been searching for them my whole life. I’m not too sure anymore about much else other than myself. I just feel like people here understand enough to not have to say anything about it. I don’t know, maybe they don’t understand anything like the rest of the people I’ve met. I miss you.

Always,

A

Dear Wind,

I feel so lost. Please come find me and never let go.

Always,

A

Dear Tree,

It rained earlier and I could hear the sky crying. Depression is the deepest hole. I try so hard to enjoy what is given to me and appreciate what I have but it doesn’t help. I’m asked what makes me happy and I can think of nothing but you. You don’t know I am depressed. You don’t know how happy I am. You don’t know I was hospitalized. You don’t know much about me really, but you’re a huge part of me now. You paint my sky blue. I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you, beautiful boy. I’m afraid you are going to soon regret falling in love with me. I hope that day never comes but I hope for many things to not happen.

These white walls drain all my energy out from under me. I’m not sure why. I am so unstable sometimes all I can do is sit here staring out the window. I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid otherwise. I wish you were here to sit with me. I wish you were here to love me.

I can’t wait to see the highlights in your hair and the wrinkles when you smile. I will let your hands imprint every inch of my skin and I’ll never let you go. I want to hear you laugh deeply and see the sun pouring through your irises. I love you, beautiful boy.

Dear Friend,

I feel like there is a hole in my chest that is suffocating me. My lungs are shrinking and my mind is spinning faster. I feel trapped within these walls of loneliness. Sometimes I can’t shake the feeling that no one in the world cares about my existence. I know it’s selfish of me to think but it is very hard to convince myself otherwise. I feel like I’m plummeting into the depths of insanity alone and I can only hold my breathe. I wait and wait for someone to break down these barriers again I’ve built up. There are hundreds. Thousands. Millions. How could anyone love me, friend…

Always,

A

Dear Friend,

I drove to nowhere one night back in July. The city lights were breathing for this suburb and the roads were vacant. The traffic lights were blinking yellow and I swear I was free. The night was black and only the sound of the quiet wind caressed me through. I was higher than any star though they were all resting that night.

I used to think there was this piece of knowledge relevant to all circumstances that could lead me through. If I saw it, I could grab it, and no matter what, I would hold the world’s secret in my pocket. I don’t believe that anymore. I think youth tricked me into being gullible and I hope I am no longer that foolish. Sometimes I think I am when it comes to true love. Why is it even called true love? Love is love and therefore is true. So love. I am very confused about it. The whole concept of loving another and letting others love you scares me friend. I don’t know how to let myself be loved without feeling vulnerable. I don’t know how to let others in. It’s a weakness that has absorbed into my skin since I learned what people are capable of. I’m so afraid of being hurt. You can sit there telling me that it’s part of life. I can’t handle that fact right now. I can’t handle anything at the moment. I’m a hopeless romantic. You know friend. You know who I am. It’s strange how I don’t let myself fall in love with certain people. Even when I try to let myself feel, I’m pounding on a brick wall of insanity.

Always,

A

Dear Professor,

I think of you quite often every day. I always wonder if I’d be better off if I were around you daily. I know you think you’re corrupt and such, but I don’t see you that way. I most definitely am not corruptible. Well, I don’t know now.

The cicadas are hissing around me. It’s almost night fall and I hear the geese yelling at each other to stay in formation. I feel the earth vibrating my bones. It’s tranquil out here and I wish you were with me right now. I hope my letter reaches you soon. I never know what to say so I apologize in advance.

I’m not so sure about college now. I go in two weeks and I’m very nervous. I wonder how different life would be with you here to lead me through this endeavor. Then again I think it’s very ridiculous to wish for such things because how would I ever survive that way? The cicadas are really singing tonight.

I need to hear your voice tonight.

Always,

A

Dear Tree,

I miss you. I want to love you like you should be loved, and I want to breathe in your scent until I’m intoxicated. I want to show you what love is, and I will never hurt you. I love you so deeply and every act I do for you will bloom with sincerity. I never want to loose you, beautiful boy.

I wish everyone treated me the way you treat me. I wish everyone talked to me the way you talk to me. It’s like you know that I don’t, and that makes us so compatible. I feel so loved because of you. I feel rejuvenated. I can’t wait for you to be in my arms this fall. We’ll fall asleep swooning in your voice. Your voice makes my bones melt.

Always,

A

Dear Wind,

I remember the day we met. The birds were swooning in summer’s lullaby and the cicadas were vibrating our bones. I can still hear the trees rustling if I close my eyes. You trusted me before you knew me, and that was scary. The sun smiled down at us though. We were the definition of young love. Falling in love is the first step to loving someone. I always hear people saying they are in love like it is something that’s hard to achieve. I think it’s continuing to love someone after, not the first breath of desire. And I love you dearly Wind. I love you wholly, especially when I don’t feel it.

Always,

A

Dear Sun,

Depression rips my insides apart. I constantly self interrogate and the whole meaning of humanity exhausts me past sleep. I want to tell you everything but I don’t think you get any sleep either. Some day we’ll figure this out.

Always,

A

Dear Sky,

Maybe I was wrong to say you were nothing to me, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing you. I didn’t mean to be hypocritical. I just wanted to feel like I’ve moved on from something, but if I did I wouldn’t need to prove it. I am over you though. I can still reflect though, right? Now I’m thinking myself in circles.

There was that day we spent the whole day together. We laughed in the back of the classroom at that one guy’s stupid jokes and poor judgement. I remember feeling infinite next to you strumming my ukelele while I danced and sang. We made everyone so happy, I felt happy. Was that anything to you at all when I laughed while you drove the car with your knee and played my ukelele? Or the time your eyes matched your shirt and you told me what sandwiches you didn’t like. Or the day I water colored Disney characters in your sketchbook and you gave me a beautiful painting. Do you remember any of that? Does that matter to you at all? How about that time we watched that stupid foreign movie with your younger brother and laughed so hard? We were great, and now we are nothing. We were something beautiful but you had to laugh with your friends about me. You couldn’t be a decent person and appreciate what I had given you. I gave you everything. I took it all back. I hope guilt rots your bones now.

Always,

A